hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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