I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
