Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
