Christians are straight up FREAKS
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
