Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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