It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize