I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Panties = found
Randomize
