who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
