I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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