I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
