but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
