i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
