haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
