I intend to get homeless drunk
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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