We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So drunk its hurt
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
