There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up under a house in Key West
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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