so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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