I smell stomach acid.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
