Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Everyone says I win the strip club
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
