Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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