I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
