it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
