where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
