Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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