I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
