She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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