and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
