Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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