i just google imaged poop.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
