Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
