Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
