cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
