I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
