and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
