i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
