Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
