You can't motorboat a personality
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
