I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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