Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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