$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize