I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Randomize
