If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
