Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize