She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
