Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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