Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize