Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
