Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
