I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
