I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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