We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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