thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
