I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
