1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
