i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
