she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
