Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
