I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
