They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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