I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
