So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize