So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
