this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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