I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
