Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
