I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
