i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
