I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
