I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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