I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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