i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
