Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
