Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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