im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
