Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This show inspires me to have sex in space
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
