i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
