so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
