Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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