I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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