just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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