I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
