i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
