He kissed a someone with a penis
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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