We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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