My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
