There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize