so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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