Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
