you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
