the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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