I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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