So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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