Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
