I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
